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Tuesday, August 01, 2006

SURD DETECTIVE


A policeman was testing 3 Singh brothers who were training to become
detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows
the first Singh a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your
suspect, how would you recognize him?"

 The first Singh answers,
"That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

 The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is
his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the
picture for 5 seconds at the second Singh and asks him, "This is
your suspect, how Would you recognize him?"

The second Singh smiles and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy
to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily
responds, "What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye
and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile!
Is that the best answer you can come up with?"


Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the
third Singh and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect,
how would you recognize him?

He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer." The
Singh looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The
suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait
here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to
you on that." He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the
suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile
on his face.


"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear
contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute
observation?"

"That's easy," the Singh replied. "He can't wear
regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."


Monday, September 19, 2005

 
About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Sikhs had to leave Italy. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Sikh community.

So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Sikh community. If the Sikh won, the Sikhs could stay.
If the Pope won, the Sikhs would leave.

The Sikhs realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle-aged man named Harbinder Singh to represent them. Harbinder asked for one additional condition to the debate. To make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk.

The Pope agreed.

The day of the great debate came. Harbinder Singh and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute. Then the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.

Harbinder looked back at him and raised one finger.

The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head.

Harbinder pointed to the ground where he sat.

The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine.

Harbinder pulled out an apple.

The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Sikhs can stay."

An hour later, the cardinals were gathered around the Pope asking him what had happened.

The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the holy trinity.

He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still One God common to both our religions. Then, I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us.

Then, I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin.

He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Sikh community had crowded around Harbinder Singh. "What happened?" they asked. "Well," said Harbinder, "First he said to me that the Sikhs had three days to get out of here. I told him not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Sikhs.

I let him know that we were staying right here." "Yes, and then???" asked the crowd.

"I don't know", said Harbinder, "He took out his lunch, and I took out mine!!


Thursday, September 15, 2005

Santa was thinking of buying a coffee maker but was concerned it might be too complicated to operate. The salesman assured him it was easy to use.
 

"You simply put in the coffee and filter, fill the reservoir with water, slide the switch to auto and go to bed. When you wake up u can enjoy a steaming hot cup of coffee"
 
A few weeks later Santa ran into his friend Banta.

"Santa my boy, how are you enjoying your new coffee maker?"

"I had to take the stupid thing back" said Santa, "every time I  fancied a cup of coffee I had to go to bed"



Friday, August 19, 2005

a change from Sardarjis.....

Name the wonly part of the werld where Malayalis don't werk hard?
@Kerala .
Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
@Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting,folding and re-tying the lungi.
Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?
@To go to Thoobai, to meet his ungle in the Gelff.

Why do Malayali's go to the Gelff?
@To yearn menney.
What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire?
@He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.

What is a Malayali management graduate called?
@Yem Bee Yay.

Why did his wife divorce him?
@Because he was louwing another yuman (woman).
Who found out that?
@His andy.


What does a Malayali do when he goes to America?
@He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.

What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday?
@An Oto.

Who is Malayali's fyamous yeactor end yaectress?
@Moghan lal, Mammooti, Geedha, Revadhi, Zilgsmidha end Ambiga.

Why Kerala is the most highly literate state in India?
@Its easily giving Degree to get rid of the peapals from Kerala.
Why Arab countreis are looking for only Keralites?
@They are ready to do yennything for menney.


Wednesday, August 03, 2005

American: In our country, marriage even takes place with email.
Banta Singh: In India, it is only with female.

************

Q: Banta Singh went to see 9-12 PM show. But he came back at 10 PM.
Why?

A: Because the movie's name was DASTAK.

***********

Museum administrator: That's a 500 year old statue you've broken.
Banta Singh: Thank God! I thought it was a new one!

***********

Banta Singh walks into a library and says, "Can I have a burger and
fries?"
The librarian says, "I'm sorry, this is a library."
So he lowers his voice to a whisper and says, "Can I have a burger
and
fries?"

************

Sailor (reading from book of facts): "Do you know that every time I
breathe a man dies?"

Banta Singh: "Why don't you use a mouthwash?"

************

One night a school boy came home rather depressed. "What's the
matter,son?
asked his father.
"Bad news, Dad" said the boy. "It's my grades. They are all wet."
"What do you mean by 'all wet'?" "Below C-level," replied the son.

*************

Q: Why did Banta Singh take his pregnant wife to Pizza Hut?
A: Because they advertised 'free delivery'.



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